June 26, 2012

2:45 pm

I haven't forgotten about you, and it's certainly not that I haven't had anything to say.  It's simply that I'm being present.  Loving you, spending time with you, enjoying you.  Some of it has been very challenging, exhausting, but that is parenting and I wouldn't exchange I single nano-second of being your mother. 

You're having two sisters coming very, very soon (twin sisters! eeek!).  I'm very tired, and your Daddy just had surgery on his neck and can't carry you or do any extra parenting duties...and it's hurting him.  I don't think you notice and I sometimes worry that this inability to bond with him will affect your relationship in the future.  I know he'll make up for it, though.  And your face just lights up every time you see his.  It's so heart-warming. 

There are just a few things I'd like to list, some things that I never want to forget:

1.  You have to hold my hand everywhere you go.  You grab my fingers with your soft, tiny palms and lead the way.  It's seriously the sweetest thing.  Sometimes I grumble to myself "You can walk by yourself, you don't need my hand," but someday you won't even want my hand, so I'm soaking it up now.

2.  I love the way you grab my necklace when I'm carrying you.  It's a gold bar stamped with an "N" to represent you, and you grab the pendant and try to put it into my mouth. 

3.  Lately, you haven't been going right to sleep at bedtime and cry and scream.  I try to let you go, but if it's more than hour I check on you and all you seem to want is some extra snuggles with Mommy.  I don't mind.

4.  Daddy makes you laugh like no one else can.  Big, deep belly laughs and it's music to my ears.

So maybe there'll be more letters, or maybe it'll be another six months, but just so you know, it's you're very busy making me a very happy mommy.

Christmas Eve 2011

8:12 pm

Dear Nolan,

You are so magnetic! I just couldn't wait to get those words down. Everywhere we go people NEED to ogle over your adorableness. I'm saying this now before you have the chance to accuse me of saying it "just because I'm your mother." People can't get enough of you and you bring smiles to all of their faces. I hope this part of your personality will forever remain. That you will always draw people to you and know how to keep them smiling. That would make me super proud.

It's Christmas Eve. Your first Christmas is tomorrow. You won't remember any of it and you have no idea what it's all about at your mere 9 months of age. But I just can't help myself from getting giddy about the morning festivities. Giggles while you open your gifts and absolute merriment while playing with new toys (we got you a drum, a wooden walker, and an Ugly Doll, by the way). Yes, even despite my grinch ways. You have that effect on me, son. I'm looking forward to future holiday traditions. Did I say that in the last letter? In any case, it's true. You've brought me so much happiness this year, and I am certainly looking forward to our future holidays together as a family.

Merry Christmas, baby boy!

A few pictures from dinner out with family tonight:

Getting silly with Uncle Dan.

Nolan, Mommy, and Daddy.

With Mommy. I wish I had a better picture of your adorable bow tie.

December 14, 2011

7:19 pm

My dear baby, you are growing so fast! I can't keep up with how fast you're changing and how quickly you are learning new things. It truly is astonishing! You love shaking your head no and have mastered the art of clapping your hands. You're so proud of yourself! We're working on "bye-bye" and you work so hard to mimic the movements of my hand. And I was JUST saying that I'm going to be hand feeding you forever and then tonight you decided to eat pasta all on your own.

Your daddy has been so busy working nights lately and tonight was one of our first family nights together in what felt like forever. As you crawled over and clung to my leg (as per usual) he just couldn't help himself from exclaiming "Nolan, I love you!" It melted my heart. You are so loved, child, and I always wonder if you can feel it. Do you understand how you've changed our hearts and how I feel so complete now?

It's the holiday season, and you will learn that I am a bah-humbug. The holidays are so over-hyped and too stressful. I love the spontaneity and no obligations that come with the other seasons, but I am a bit excited to document your first Christmas. You won't care about the toys that we got you and you won't remember the lit-up Christmas tree, but I do hope that we set the tradition of a holiday filled with minimal gifts and lots of quality family time. That despite my grinch ways you'll learn to love our family traditions during this time of the year.

I really could talk about you forever, my sweet man, but since you're STILL NOT SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT I'm signing off for some rest and relaxation.

Nolan, I love you!

Love,

Mommy

Picking out our Christmas tree. December 2011

December 14, 2011

November 4, 2011

7:04 pm

Dear Nolan,

Brutally honest, here. But OMIGOD ALL YOU DO IS SCREAM YOUR FACE OFF. Unless I'm carrying you, that is. Are you teething? Sick? Hungry? Tired? Growth spurt?

I don't mind carrying you, though. And you're still so damn cute, so it's all OK.

October 31, 2011

8:31 pm

It's your first Halloween, Frankenbaby. I had plans to dress you up in a little black suit and make gigantic shoes for your feet, but both you were and Daddy were under the weather today, so the knit hat did the job. It was also your first cold. You poor sniffly thing. You've been handling it like a champ, though. Taking more after your mama everyday.

Love,

Mommy

October 28, 2011

7:34 pm

Omigosh, two weeks?! I told you I wouldn't be very good at keeping up with this.

Today you are 7 MONTHS! Can you do me a favor and quit growing up so fast already? Seriously, slow down. You're like super baby developing at an astronomical rate. Sorry to brag (I am a mother, your mother, after all), but I'm fairly certain that you are mastering all the milestones months in advance. You've been crawling for weeks and have been pulling yourself up on everything since last week. You have even learned to fall on your butt rather than toppling over and smashing your head on the floor or furniture in the way. Today you started this clucking noise with your mouth. Cutest thing ever, obviously.

The reason I am writing this letter today is to tell you how much I hate being a working mom. The worst part of my day is waking you up from your peaceful slumber in the morning and in less than 10 minutes you are changed and loaded up in the car seat. It makes me so sad and EVERY DAY I have to stifle the tears as I drive off to work while Daddy drops you off at GeePa's. I hate it. Maybe it could be different if I was doing something that I'm passionate about, something that I truly loved, but I'm not. I bring home a paycheck that pays for the roof over our heads and the clothes on our backs. Although, just so you know, it is a rather large roof and some pretty darn nice clothes---these things, I realize now, are not important, but that's something that took me awhile to understand. I hope to instill something completely different in my own children. I often daydream of leaving this suburbia and living in a sweet little bungalow on the edge of a city. We'll have to work on Daddy if we're going to make this happen. But for now (and possibly forever) this is home, and anyplace is home as long as you and Daddy (and Rowand) are here.

Possibly in the future I could stay home part time. But I just want you to know that my heart is with you all day if I never get that chance. I hope that you never resent me for going to work everyday and that it doesn't hinder any of your developments. We all do our best around here.

Can I tell you about the BEST part of my day? It's not that first chance I get to scoop you up in my arms after a long day. It's not watching you smack those perfect little lips after spoonfuls of yogurt. It's not even our "dance party" time. Those things are all great and I revel in every moment, but there's an even more special part of my every day. It's right after I feed you your nighttime bottle and those few minutes before I put you into your crib for bedtime. I pull you up to my shoulder and you snuggle against my neck. You fit so perfectly in that spot. I rub your back and smell that sweet baby Nolan scent. You're just so cozy there. I savor this moment every.single.night and know better than to take it for granted. Someday this needs to be captured. I don't ever want to forget how that feels.

Here's a recent photo shoot of us. I think we look like twins, but everyone says you look just like your Daddy.

Either way, you're just so dang cute!

I love you!

Love,

Mommy