June 26, 2012

2:45 pm

I haven't forgotten about you, and it's certainly not that I haven't had anything to say.  It's simply that I'm being present.  Loving you, spending time with you, enjoying you.  Some of it has been very challenging, exhausting, but that is parenting and I wouldn't exchange I single nano-second of being your mother. 

You're having two sisters coming very, very soon (twin sisters! eeek!).  I'm very tired, and your Daddy just had surgery on his neck and can't carry you or do any extra parenting duties...and it's hurting him.  I don't think you notice and I sometimes worry that this inability to bond with him will affect your relationship in the future.  I know he'll make up for it, though.  And your face just lights up every time you see his.  It's so heart-warming. 

There are just a few things I'd like to list, some things that I never want to forget:

1.  You have to hold my hand everywhere you go.  You grab my fingers with your soft, tiny palms and lead the way.  It's seriously the sweetest thing.  Sometimes I grumble to myself "You can walk by yourself, you don't need my hand," but someday you won't even want my hand, so I'm soaking it up now.

2.  I love the way you grab my necklace when I'm carrying you.  It's a gold bar stamped with an "N" to represent you, and you grab the pendant and try to put it into my mouth. 

3.  Lately, you haven't been going right to sleep at bedtime and cry and scream.  I try to let you go, but if it's more than hour I check on you and all you seem to want is some extra snuggles with Mommy.  I don't mind.

4.  Daddy makes you laugh like no one else can.  Big, deep belly laughs and it's music to my ears.

So maybe there'll be more letters, or maybe it'll be another six months, but just so you know, it's you're very busy making me a very happy mommy.